I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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