I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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