it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize