i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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