I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm getting married
To pizza
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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