so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
