where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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