You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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