I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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