I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
