Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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