So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
