i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
