I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
