guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
