How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
