you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
