dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
His hands were made for my vagina.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
