Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
