I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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