I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
