All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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