You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
