did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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