i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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