I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
