I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The uberlube is also flammable
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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