i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
