you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
