Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
