I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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