So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
