I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
