Soap is not a condiment
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
