We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
