You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
