I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The dick lei will go down in squad history
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
