Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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