we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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