you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
