Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
