I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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