and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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