Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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