Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
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i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
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There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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