I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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