I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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