$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
