he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
