There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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