Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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