His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
