I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
