Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
