bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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