just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
