yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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