The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He had one of those small greek statue penises
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
