Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
