I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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