I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
