i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
