If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
