When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
