if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
